


Secrets

by SherlockWolf



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Pre-Kingdom Hearts III, Rated for swearing, Trans Male Character, Trans Sora (Kingdom Hearts), or during i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-24 13:43:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17705339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SherlockWolf/pseuds/SherlockWolf
Summary: Sora's got something to hide. When Riku shows his cards, though, Sora can't keep it to himself any longer.





	Secrets

    Ah sweet release.

    Sora let out a sigh as he dropped his shirts in his hamper. He stood for a few moments, enjoying the freedom. Sometimes he wished he didn’t have to wear that stupid thing at all. But there weren’t any magic spells that changed someone’s body permanently and he was too far down this road to start wearing _bras_.

    He shuffled through his closet for his pajamas then hopped in bed and snuggled under his covers. Today had been a long day of training since everyone had been together. Sora had rarely versed King Mickey before, and today Mickey had taken it upon himself to teach Sora what he knew. It had been exhausting but Sora felt more confidence in his stances, and Mickey had given him tips about using his smaller stature to take down larger enemies.

    Sora didn’t like to be reminded that he was short. He couldn’t help it! And of course Riku had laughed and ruffled his hair.

    Sora sighed again. _Riku_.

    It was a miracle he was still around. Sora had thought—had _feared_ —many times that Riku didn’t want to be his friend anymore, had abandoned him again because really, Sora could never measure up when it came to Riku. Riku who was tall, strong, handsome, smart, capable, loving, kind, gentle…and knocking on his door?

    Sora shot up with the blankets pulled over his chest. Had he heard that right?

    The knock came again, and sure enough Riku’s voice followed it.

    “Come in!” Sora called, adjusting his blankets so he didn’t look like he was trying to hide anything while still hiding something.

    Riku slipped in, quietly closing the door behind him. Then he sat cross-legged on the end of Sora’s bed, facing Sora. Riku had also changed in to his pajamas and had probably been getting ready for bed himself. So why was he here?

    “Did you enjoy training?”

    Sora nodded. “Yeah, it was fun practicing with Mickey. I don’t get to do that much.”

    “He’s a fantastic teacher.”

    Sora smiled—Riku never could say anything bad about Mickey. Not that there was anything bad to say.

    “Did you have fun with Kairi?”

    Now Riku smiled. “She’s learning so quickly, it’s amazing. We should’ve let her play swords more with us as kids.”

    “We were kinda mean, huh?”

    Riku shrugged with a laugh. “Pre-teen boys don’t have a reputation of being nice.”

    Sora felt his heart stir. Being included with boys in any capacity never failed to make him feel happy.

    They fell into silence, which lead Sora to realize that Riku had something important to say. Riku always got a bit too quiet when he was thinking about something that mattered. Another clue was him also picking at the loose strings of Sora’s cover. Riku fiddled with stuff when he was thinking.

    To prompt him Sora asked, “Did you need something?”

    Riku rubbed his hands on his knees for a moment, then shrugged and asked in return, “You know the meeting Mickey and I had after dinner?”

    Sora nodded.

    Riku sighed and cast his eyes to the blanket near his feet.

    “Yen Sid is sending us on another mission the day after tomorrow.”

    “Oh.”

    The noise of surprise left Sora involuntarily. He’d been expecting Yen Sid to send someone away soon, because they could only hide on this small world and practice magic for so few days without having to continue saving the universe. But Sora had been hoping for more than two days with Riku, this time around. And he’d spent all day today with Mickey instead.

    Riku’s eyes flicked up at him, then away again.

    “I was thinking we could train together tomorrow? Hang out a bit before I…go again.” He sighed.

    Sora felt his heart soften. Riku was disappointed, too. That was…anyway. Sora was so happy that he wanted to spend time together, too.

    “Yeah!” Sora made sure to smile, letting his happiness show, “That’s a great idea.”

    Then he reached out to poke Riku’s toes, “I’ll win.”

    “Oh yeah? We’ll see about that.” Riku challenged right back, shooing Sora’s hand away.

    They traded grins, then Riku hauled himself up and headed to the door.

    “Be up by eight or Kairi and I will have to come get you.” He warned with a smirk.

    Sora gave him a salute, then fetched his phone as soon as the door closed. He set his alarm for 7:30, because there was no way he could let the others in his room while he was unconscious. Who knows what they’d find.

~

    Braveheart landed heavily against the Kingdom Key, forcing Sora to step backward to adjust. Riku put his full weight on the blade, then in the next moment dropped all pressure and swung down toward Sora’s shins. Employing the techniques Mickey had taught him yesterday Sora switched his weight to his heels and followed the movement of Riku’s swing so that it missed—by centimeters, but that was enough for Sora to get his own swing in. Riku used his dodge to whack at Sora. Sora got caught in the back and ended up tucking and rolling, coming to a stop right next to one of the trees that lined the training field. He unfolded and let his body lay down while his head spun. Slowly the clouds began to become defined shapes instead of one grey blur.

    That grey blur was replaced with that of Riku’s hair as he stood over Sora.

    “Aw, come on Sora, that’s not all you’ve got.” He taunted, smirk firmly in place.

    Sora tried to make a comeback, but he was too winded to say anything. In his mind he cursed Riku for playing dirty.

    “You okay?” Riku asked after Sora merely continued to pant and stare, expression worried.

    Was he? The muscles on his back where Riku had hit him still stung from the impact, like a hand after a nasty high-five. There was sure to be a bruise tomorrow. The hit had also cut the air from his lungs, but that would go away in the next few minutes as long as he focused on breathing. So yeah, over all there was nothing wrong.

    Sora stuck his tongue out for shorter a time than he would’ve liked since he couldn’t breathe right. Riku’s smirk returned.

    “Break time?” Riku suggested, dismissing his keyblade and sitting down next to Sora.

    Sora tapped Riku’s shoe with his own.

    “Jerk.” He managed to wheeze out.

    Riku tapped him back. “I don’t remember you losing your breath so quickly before.”

    _Yeah, before I had to put my chest in a fabric cage._ Sora’s mind sassed.

    In reality he wasn’t that bitter about having to wear binders all the time. He figured that binding was just another one of those things he had to do to be comfortable. It wasn’t worth getting upset over, especially since it created the desired effect. The ones his mother had helped him buy the first time around had been a bit uncomfortable and not as sliming, but this new brand Sora had chosen by himself felt like a second skin. There were even days where he forgot he had them on.

    “Sorry?” Sora offered with false indignation.

    Riku rolled his eyes. “Uh-huh.”

    Sora kicked his shoe. Riku kicked back. Then he leaned over so he could look down at Sora, rudely blocking his view of the clouds. The rabbit had just been about to eat the fish’s tail.

    “You’d tell me if something was wrong, right? I know we’re fighting Master Evil of the Universe, but like…tell me if you get cancer or something, okay?”

    “Riku!” Sora gasped, and now that enough time had passed he used what he had of his speaking power, “I wouldn’t hide something like that from you!”

    “Okay, okay. Just…you know you can tell me anything. Right?”

    Sora merely hummed in agreement.

    Could he tell Riku anything? Riku’s life hadn’t exactly involved boys with girls’ bodies or vice versa. Riku was a boy through and through so he wouldn’t be able to relate. He’d understand, if Sora was lucky, but he didn’t think even Riku would be able to look at him the same after. Sora would hate to lose those soft smiles and kind eyes reserved only for him.

    Sora considered his body a secret he had kept for too long, and now if he shared it…he was afraid to find out what would happen. Riku had already left him once because he’d gotten bored. It wasn’t like they were under an oath to stay together. Kairi might be a bit more welcoming, only because Sora could relate to her…a _tiny_ bit more. He’d started hormone therapy at too young an age for any true traits of womanhood to set in, except miniscule breasts and fairly normal genitals. Fairly. But that wasn’t really what Sora wanted to share with his most trusted friend, anyway.

    Riku flopped on his back, legs bent, and draped an arm over his eyes.

    “Sorry. I worry too much.” He huffed.

    Sora wondered what kind of internal battles Riku fought while he dealt with his own. It fascinated Sora that Riku thought about him both when Sora was with him and away. What kinds of things did Riku think about, about Sora? He worried that Sora would get cancer, of all things? What about dying in a fiery explosion on a Gummy Ship—Lea would approve of that one—or catching some super weird bacterial infection from one of the worlds that would turn him into a zombie? The creativity Riku had really needed an upgrade.

    Even so, _Riku thought about Sora._ It made his heart flutter.

    “Nah, it’s okay. I worry about you, too.”

    It had always been easy for Sora to say endearing things to his friends. Kairi and Riku mattered to him so much that the universe felt off-kilter without the two of them around. He needed them to know he loved them. Maybe in different ways, but they didn’t need to know that.

    Riku, on the other hand, had always struggled with being open about how he felt. Well, except with anger and jealousy. Those he had no issue expressing, though he’d done so more as a child and less now as an adult. In fact, now that he was older Riku had closed up a whole lot. It left Sora worrying if Riku was handling everything alright, or if he was just as terrified as Sora. Probably the latter, but he hid it so well…

    “Ack, Sora. I’m not the one who matters.” Riku scoffed self-deprecatingly.

    Sora’s reaction to _that bullshit_ was visceral. He sat up so quickly, his head began to spin a little once again. Then he pried Riku’s arm off his face so he could glare down at him.

    “Don’t ever say that. You’re the one who matters to _me_ and I—.” Sora had to cut himself off.

    Why had Riku’s words made him so angry? Riku had indicated he was disposable and that was unacceptable. Sora truly couldn’t breathe right without Riku around. For him to even _suggest_ —.

    Okay. Now Sora was just working himself up.

    Riku’s expression melted from surprised to sad, and he sat up, too.

    His voice quieted as he explained, “I meant the same thing. I can’t lose you again, and I don’t want you to worry about me because I plan to do everything I can to protect you. Even if that means sacri—.”

    Sora placed both hands over Riku’s mouth to avoid hearing that word.

    No. No no no no no no no _no!_

    Riku couldn’t do that for him. _To_ him. That wasn’t okay. Sora wouldn’t recover from that. Ever.

    Riku’s hand cupped his cheek, thumb brushing underneath Sora’s cheekbones. Riku had touched him this way a few times, with that same gentle look in his eyes. Whenever he did that, Sora had a hard time reminding himself that he wasn’t dreaming.

    Sora removed his hands because surely Riku was going to suffocate like that, and pushed off Riku’s hand to clean the tears himself. Then Sora found himself trapped in a tight hug. They adjusted until Sora was nearly in Riku’s lap, his forehead pressed against Riku’s neck and one hand over his heart where he could feel it beating through Riku’s shirt. He never wanted that organ to stop doing its job.

    Sora felt so safe hidden there, listening to the rush of life in Riku’s veins, feeling the warmth of his body as it cooled from intense exercise. Riku’s cheek rested against the crown of Sora’s head, and for a moment Sora imagined what it would be like to fall asleep held this way.

    “I need to tell you something.” Riku whispered in earnest.

    Sora nodded, though his heart jumped.

    “The reason I feel like I have to protect you, the reason I worry so much, the reason I’m going to miss you every minute we’re apart the next few days…”

    Sora tightened his arms around Riku. Where was this going? Could Riku…did he mean…?

    “You’re my world, my home and…I love you, Sora. So much.”

    There was no mistaking how he meant that through the shake of his voice and the way he trembled as he held Sora. That nervous, elated energy seeped its way into Sora, too, who couldn’t help the resulting smile.

    Without hesitation, Sora said, “I love you, too, Riku. And I miss you already.”

   Riku let out a sigh. There was a moment where he tensed, then said, “Wait, Sora, I meant that—.”

    “I know. I know how you meant it, and I meant it that way, too.”

    Sora sat up, hating to leave his cocoon but needing to in order to reassure Riku. He placed a hand on either of Riku’s pink-tinted cheeks, letting his fingers weave their way into soft, silver hair. The way Riku was looking at him was so soft, still, that Sora felt as though he could melt into silver himself.

    “I want you to stay with me forever, Riku.”

    “Sora…me too. I want you forever.”

    Riku shifted closer, and Sora’s heart back-flipped. Was Riku going to kiss him or hug him? Probably the former. But Sora couldn’t let them do any of that if Riku didn’t know. Sora couldn’t face the kind of fear that came with keeping his secret any longer.

    “Wait, Riku, I have to tell you something, too.” Sora directed Riku’s movement to settle into back into their hug-slash-cuddle.

    “Okay.” Riku hummed, relaxing against Sora once again with his arms looped behind Sora’s back.

    It was sweet of him not to be upset with Sora for breaking the moment. Riku was so sweet and Sora was so scared. He knotted his fingers in Riku’s shirt. Here went nothing—ah, who was he kidding? Here went _everything_.

    “I’m trans.”

    Riku was quiet for a long time. He didn’t move, didn’t tense, just quiet. Sora let him think, unsure if saying more would be helpful or pointless. After what felt like a year but was probably just a minute of Sora listening to his heart try to implode, Riku asked in all sincerity,

    “I…sorry, I don’t really know what that means. I’ve heard it before, but with everything that’s happened it’s not a word I remember.”

    Ah, okay. That was fair because as Sora had reminded himself earlier, Riku’s life had never—before—involved trans-ness. Was that a word? Sora decided it could be. He wasn’t that great at remembering words either.

    “It means…I was born a girl. Well, with a girl’s body.” Sora quickly clarified.

    It was an important distinction, though an easy slip-up, even for Sora who’d changed his body so long ago.

    “But I’ve never felt like a girl-person. I’ve always felt like a boy-person. I told that to mom when I was a kid, and so after some therapy I got help to,” Sora took a deep breath because now he could feel Riku tensing which only served to increase the ball of anxiety forming in Sora’s lungs, “change my body so it would grow up to be a boys. Or man’s, I guess, but I’m not there yet—,” Sora cut himself off before he got lost in an anxiety-spurred tangent, “Anyway, I needed to tell you that. I’ve been thinking about saying something for a while, but now…it’s probably better if you know _now_.”

    Sora placed emphasis on that last word, trying his best to point out that Riku should know this sort of thing before they crossed the line. That he should know now so he could make a choice. Would he still love Sora the same, still want Sora the same if he weren’t what Riku was expecting? His heart began to throb uncomfortably as the reality of that thought struck him. If Riku thought twice, second-guessed his love for Sora…Sora wasn’t sure he wanted to know. Maybe it would hurt the same as Riku dying? Could he survive the rejection of his fundamental self from someone he loved so much? Maybe he should’ve just—.

    “Thank you, Sora. That couldn’t have been easy to share.”

    Riku’s voice caught him so off-guard, Sora froze up.

    Wait…Riku didn’t sound upset. In fact, he sounded…coaxing, comforting, as though he was trying his best to show Sora that…nothing had changed?

    Riku’s next question came out so quietly, so full of love and fear and concern and and and…Sora felt his heart crack.

    “What can I do to reassure you I still love you?”

    Really, that was all Sora needed. Riku hadn’t thought twice about Sora’s body being different. It showed that such a thing didn’t matter to him, because _Sora_ mattered to him. Sora the soul. Sora the heart. Sora, Riku’s best friend and the person he loved most.

    Sora’s eyes stung.

    “Tell me, show me you love me. I’ll do the same, because you’re—,” A quiet, untimely sob cut Sora off.

    Riku’s hold tightened. “I love you, Sora. You’re my best friend and I couldn’t care less if you were a purple hippo or a lion or a space whale. I love _you_.”

    Sora giggled, a choked sound through his crying. Maybe Riku had more of an imagination than Sora gave him credit for.

    “I love you, too. Even though you _are_ a purple hippo.” Sora teased.

    Riku chuckled. “Apparently I’m a hot enough purple hippo to catch someone like you.”

    “How do purple hippos catch people?”

    They both giggled at the thought. Then Riku sniffed. The _crying_ kind of sniff. Sora had to sit up to see if he’d been imagining things. He hadn’t. Riku’s eyes were watery, as was his soft smile.

    “Riku?” Sora whispered, but Riku pulled him right back into their hug-cuddle.

    “Sorry, Sora. I just…I’m surprised you kept that to yourself for so long. That must’ve been hard.”

    “I mean, kinda. I just couldn’t ever find a good time or way to tell you guys. _This_ probably wasn’t a good time or way…”

    “No, Sora, that doesn’t matter. I really appreciate that you told me, and would have at any point during our lives. Your body is an important piece of who you are. That goes for anyone, and it’s another thing that I get to love about you.”

    Sora said the way he felt about those kind words, “I love you, Riku.”

    Then he added with innuendo dripping off every word, “Does that mean your body is something I get to love about you?”

    Riku barked a laugh. “Jeeze, I never would’ve imagined you to be so direct.”

    Sora decided to feed off that one, too, “You’ve imagined me? _Us_?”

    There was a guarantee Riku was blushing now, and Sora really wanted to see that. He sat up once again, this time balancing himself with a hand on Riku’s chest so he couldn’t be tucked up again. Riku was fully flushed and staring at Sora like he’d grown a third head. Sora giggled at that thought—Riku would still love him if he had a third head.

    “Um. Yeah. Haven’t you?” Riku said rather shyly.

    Sora wasn’t quite sure how he’d ended up in charge of this situation, but he liked it. And it played well into some of his _imaginings_. He leaned close, using his free hand to weave his fingers in Riku’s hair again. Riku’s breath caught.

    “ _Oh, yes_.” Sora whispered, hairs’ breath from Riku’s lips.

    Riku’s pupils were blown wide, teal irises narrowed to small rings like the halos of black holes.

    Sora was swallowed up by Riku’s gravity.

 


End file.
